Column about sports where one-liners and sarcasm will be the theme in the ever laughable world of professional sports.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings #15: I'm Back

I know those two words do not have quite the same meaning that Michael Jordan had back in 1996, but still, pretty solid...

Ok, with the NFL Playoffs going on, and my beloved Bears in the playoffs and then dropping a game like that, I have to admit, I did vomit in my mouth...just a little

Charles Tillman, you wear cleats or sandals?

Rodney Harrison blasted the Bears defense and Rex Grossman, saying "Grossman will never be able to carry any team to the Super Bowl" Now Rodney, I know you have had a lot of free time since busting your knee, and I like you, but shouldnt you have been watching your team lose the same day to, (snicker) Jake Plummer and the Broncos?

But, I promise, I am over that game. Now I can make fun of the Conference Championship games.

Steve Smith was opposite as good against the Seahawks that he was against the Bears. His return of the punt was accentuated with an illegal black.

Defense, what defense of the Panthers? They were torched by Rex Grossman (in the second half) and all game from Matt (I have no hair left) Hasselbeck, who looked fantastic.

Was that Jake Delhomme or Jake Plummer under center for Carolina?

Leading me perfectly to the Mile High City itself...

Seriously, for those people riding the Jake Plummer Express, we know his history, raise your hand if you were not ready for Jake to implode at the most inopportune time (2 INTs, 2 fumbles)

Steelers are the best #6 team in the history of the NFL since the expansion of the Wild Card.

Does Ben Roethlisberger (no one really knows how to correctly spell his name) look more and more homeless every week? The beard is getting longer and more scraggly, the t-shirt and sport coat, he looks like he is on day #4 of being homeless. Early enough that the clothes look clean, late enough that the homeless beard is beginning to look awful.

Great endorsement opportunity with Gilette or Schick.

So I found out that the NHL was half way through their season. I found that funny since I forgot that there was a professional hockey team in the US.

Raise your hand if Kobe really should just be out there playing 5-on-1...I mean, on offense, isnt he already there?

I guess he missed the memo that teams that emphasize the "team" are winning (see Detroit Pistons, San Antonio Spurs, New England Patriot, Chicago White Sox...)

Barry Bonds is no longer playing in the WBC...NEXT!

Eddy Curry was recently booed in New York after scoring just three points and committing 4 turnovers...once again Isiah Thomas has the magic touch with personnel. He still owes the Bulls 2 First Round Picks and 2 Second Picks (if the Knicks do not make the playoffs, and it is looking so, the Bulls still get the Lottery Pick) and owe one more First Round pick for the Stephon Marbury Trade.

Just Remember, Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals Crazy Delicious!

New Section: Things I Continue to Ponder

Look above, how does Isiah Thomas continue to land great jobs in the NBA? He is genuinely awful and should not be running anything other than his car.

How does Matt Millen still have a job?

So Al Davis just called me about a job on his coaching staff, I fit everything he is looking for, I am not black. Hey Al, pretty good coaches in this league happen to not be White. Just keep in the back of your mind Marty Mornhinweg or, gulp, Rich Kotite.

Super Bowl is so close I can taste it and smell it. Oh wait, that could just be the smell of trash in Detroit. Anywho, should be a good game, Pittsburgh versus Seattle. Nothing to do until then except wait for some athlete to do something dumb (Antonio Davis) or say something dumb (all professional athletes). I guess I can finally catch up on NCAA basketball...counting the days until catchers and pitchers report to camp.