Occasionally Coherent Ramblings

On a Happier Note.....

2008-12-02T13:17:00.001-08:00

Plaxico Burress, the star wide receiver on the New York football Giants was shot in the leg at a nightclub on Friday......by himself. Let me say this again, he shot himself in the leg. It was accidental, geez, good to hear he was not on a death wish by shooting himself in the leg.Apparently his gun (which he did not have a license for a concealed weapon in New York, but that is neither here nor there right now) slipped below the waistband of his sweat pants and when he went to adjust it, the gun discharged a bullet into his leg. Now, there are like 10 hilarious things here to discuss. Lets start with this one and work our way forward. He is at a New York nightclub, where I couldnt get in with $100 bills stapled to my $1,000 suit, but he is getting in with sweat pants. Sweat Pants! Plaxico, I know you signed a large enough contract to play professional football that you can afford pants that dont stretch with you in all your movements when lifting weights. I cannot get over the fact the this professional football player, who plays for a New York team, goes to a club in sweat pants. Do we think they were the nice Russel Athletic sweat pants with the Giants logo on them or like really crummy ones he got from a second-hand store where the, wait for it, the waistband is losing its elasticity? Hmmm...maybe because of these second-hand store sweat pants with the weakening elastic the gun was able to slide down his pants. I am sure with more quality sweat pants that gun would have remaining firmly in place at waist level,Next, lets discuss now how the gun went from being in waistband to down his pants to being fired. Doesnt it have to be....gulp..cocked to fire. I hated that whole sequence of words, but something had to cock his gun...and the only thing down his pants that could have cocked his gun would be.....his hand through his pants. What else could it be? Hmm........If only there was a stigma for black men and somehow cocking a gun down that had falled below his waistband and needs something not small to cock the down and remove the safety. If only there was something else that could have cocked the gun. I will leave this for Robert Stack and the Unsolved Mysteries team, or send Gary Sinise and the CSI:NY team to dust for prints and solve this one.Lastly, can we discuss him with a gun in the first place? Are his bitches so difficult to deal with that he needs to cap a bullet in them? I wouldnt be able to look him in the face since I would be laughing too hysterically because of the sweat pants to be able to say anything too him. It just goes to show, if you are an athlete or a celebrity you can barely wear items that qualify as acceptable outdoor clothing and get away with it. If I wore sweat pants out of the house and my friends or family saw me they would either assume I am sick or also believe the voices in my head had finally gotten to me. They definitely would not be assuming that I was on my way to a club and packing heat in my waist band as well.Do we think that Plax will get frisked everytime he enters a club from now on? Especially if he is wearing sweat pants. Hey Plax, I am not saying you have to spend a lot of money, but once a year Gap has a denim sale, you should go buy a pair of jeans or two. They come in an assortment of colors. Or, if you really feel like going all out, but dont want to break your bank, you can always go to Mens Wearhouse and get a pair of trousers or a suit to wear when you go out. You could get one for $600 there...and that way you would not have to feel squeezed that your annual salary of just over $4 million could not cover it. I hear if you are nice, a salvation army may have a suit in your size. Or, with the holidays approaching maybe when you wake up on Christmas morning, and you run down the stairs (or saunter due to your current wound) to your Christmas tree, maybe, oh just maybe, Santa will have brought you some pants.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings in Sports #23

2008-11-23T11:17:00.000-08:00

So I was correct in 2 of 3 choices yesterday in college football. I was correct in Ohio State (not a difficult choice), was wrong about Illinois, and was correct about Oklahoma. I figured with Northwestern already guaranteed a bowl bid and Illinois playing for one that Illinois would come out firing. Northwestern totally dominated the game, and you know NU coach Pat Fitzgerald loved every second of it considering Illinois rejected giving Fitzgerald a chance to play football. As for the OU-TTU, I was thoroughly disappointed. The game was just a total shellacking, and just embarrassing for TTU.

Another day of football has come and passed and another pathetic showing of my fantasy football squad. I am soon going to have professional football players pay me not to draft them.

The Detroit Lions may just be the worst football team I have seen play in the last 5 years....until I watched the Rams play against the Bears. They are an embarrassment to professional football and for the town of St. Louis. I could have rushed for 50 yards against that defensive line and I am slow. I am sure I can run a 40-yard dash in 15 seconds flat.

Andy Reid pulled Donovan McNabb for the second half of the game. after turning the ball over 2 more times, concluding a dreadful week for McNabb which he admitted to not knowing that an NFL football game ends in a tie if no points are scored in overtime. This patheic play of McNabb is helping Andy Reid hide the fact that he is an awful coach. Same goes for Norv Turner. Has one man not named O.J. gotten more chances than Norv Turner? He took a talented team and turned them into a team that struggles to do anything cohesive.

Standing applause to the hard work of Matt Cassel, Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniels for Cassels abilities after not starting a game since high school. The system and his hard work have allowed a team who lost arguably the best QB in the NFL within the first few minutes of the season to possibly do some harm in the playoffs. Many people are saying the Jets are the best team in the AFC right now, and the Pats-Jets game was a high-scoring affair. If that game is played again in the playoffs, and Brett Favre has to lead the Jets in the last few minutes, I would bet against him....but it is leading to an interesting side-story.

So the NBA season has started to a thunk, but the NHL seems to be on the rise. There are some new good players in the NHL and big city teams like the Blackhawks are looking like real contenders again and the fans are attending games in droves. Which is great for all you white people north of the border.

Side note, a wife of a friend of mine, who we are in the same fantasy league together asked me today when fantasy football is over...my response, "Never!" Unfortunately this is very true....especially for those in keeper leagues.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings in Sports #22

2008-11-22T12:03:00.000-08:00

Can we please ship Starbury to the island in the movie "Castaway" and just leave him there. For a guy who is a mediocre player at best, and a me-first small point guard, he has the ego of a Top 5 player in sports.

Roger Clemens son is practicing for his father and his future in getting away with a crime with charges against him being dropped for community service. Who will be the first athlete to commit murder and get off with community service? I mean, Ray Lewis got away with murder, O.J. got away with a double murder. But no one has gotten off of murder with Community Service....yet.

Big applause for Coach Paterno coming back in 2009. How can you not love this guy? Plus, he is coaching a real solid team.

Also in the news, like I was expecting yesterday, TO complained to the press about the production of the offense. TO, close your mouth and get back to work. Maybe your mouth running is hurting your team. Only TO would be complaining to the press during a week after a big win. If TO were a horse, we all would have begged for the opportunity to hang the curtain and turn him into glue. Unlike what happened at the Kentucky Derby, no women would be crying about TO....well, except for his baby mommas.

And P.J. Carlesimo and his 1976 glasses were fired after the Thunder have only won one time out of 13 times. It isnt a good team, but it is not simply P.J.'s fault. You might as well let him finish the year out and start over in the offseason. Oh, and with all the issues with the owner moving the team from basketball crazy Seattle to Oklahoma City, you may want to bring in some talent other than Kevin Durant.

Oh, and Ohio State over Michigan, Illinois over Northwestern, and Oklahoma over Texas Tech. Although personally I hope Texas Tech wins, no offense to Oklahoma, I just love watching Harrell and Crabtree work.

Tomorrow will mark a big loss for my Bears, and pretty much a quick unraveling of the season. I like Orton, and hope he can be the guy into the future. He will become better once he gets better receivers around him. This means an end to the Booker-era revisited, Brandon Lloyd, and hello to another high draft pick and, for the love of God, the signing of Anquan Boldin. But we know that wont happen.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings #21

2008-11-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

I think it is time that I come back to this. It has been some time (2006) and I have the time. Seriously, nothing important happened in sports in 2007 and 98% of 2008, right? Right? Damn, so I fell off the wagon, or is it fall on the wagon? Do people really know? If I am a drug abuser, and I begin smoking weed again, does Ricky Williams get high? Does Shawn Merriman somehow get away with being a steroid abuser and still not get truly busted by the court of Public Opinion? Ok, I have veered way off course.

So, in a big announcement today, the New York Knickerbockers traded away almost 30% of the team for some new linoleum tiles that Home Depot couldnt give away in a deal with GM that is so desperate to unload the craptastically awful PT Cruiser for an extra $1.99. Sadly, that is no joke about the PT Cruiser. Buy one car, and get this PT Cruiser for an extra $1.99. And we wonder why Detroit automakers are asking for financial help from the government, you are selling a car for $1.99! You know where I thought I was getting a deal for $1.99 was at Boston Market when I spent $20 on dinner and bought a second chicken for $1.99. A second chicken for $1.99 is equal to a new car!

So the Knicks gave away two of the scorers on the team (Zach Randolph and Jamal Crawford) and are keeping a guy that couldnt make it in the Bulls backcourt. Yipes! No, it was a good move for the Knicks since they are only on the hook for bad contracts for this season and next instead of for two more seasons beyond this year. Oh, and they got Cuttino Mobley whose biggest impact on television was his appearance on Bravos! Million Dollar Listing and we found out that in his pimped out home in Southern California he let the home fall to crap, and have major issues throughout and never called a repairman. Oh and they are getting beaten up by the Milwaukee Bucks. The Milwaukee Bucks!

Michael Vick agreed to a suspended sentence in Virginia and.....who cares Michael! No where you will ever play will ever like you, and I will ignore my Chicago Bears if they were to sign you, and we havent had a quarterback since Sid Luckman. Sid Luckman! I am not sure my father was even alive when Sid Luckman played football. But dont worry, we will draft Rex Grossman and Cade McNown. But they will finally lose the fan base if they were to sign the Dog Whisperer.

A Jets QB was in the news....and it wasnt Brett Favre. I am guessing the microphone couldnt get close enough to Favre. No, the news was that the fourth or fifth string QB, Erik "Dont call me Danny" Ainge got a four game suspension for use of an illegal substance (read steroids). This is making top-line news, yet he is already on Injured Reserve for the season. Does he get suspended for next seasons games? No. He is told he cannot participate with a team that he couldnt anyways because he is hurt. This is either a major flaw in the steroid use policy or a real slow news day....or both. Cant we get Terrell Owens to cry or complain about his contract or cry about his contract? Cant we just get news that George Steinbrenner is giving away the team to Hank.....oh, he did give the team away to Hank? No, to Hal? How pissed is Hank! What kinds of damn names did George give his kids? Hank and Hal? He should have just done the respectable thing for a man like Steinbrenner and name his two boys George II and George III. I am pissing someone off with a little grill in the middle of their fraternity house.

In some sad news, Annika Sorenstam, arguably the greatest female golfer ever, missed the cut in her final professional tournament. Everyone, please stand up and give this woman a standing applause. She is everything that is right about sports, and represented herself with class and style. I am looking at you Michelle Wei. Before failing on the men's tour, you should try to not fail on the women's tour.

Last note, our favorite porn-star mustache wearing congressman, Rep. Henry Waxman of California replaced Rep. John Dingell, who Slate.com called, "the tough, cantankerous eminence grise of the House Democratic caucus..." We of the sports world all remember Rep. Henry Waxman and his mustache at the hearings with Roger Clemens' retarded, insane cousin. What? That was Clemens? Ok....if you say so. Any who. Those who look at websites not only involving sports get to look at Rep. Waxman's awesome mustache and pig-like snout. But I hear he is smart. I feel like I have made a comment like that before, a back-handed compliment. I think it was when I was introduced to a friend of a friend who was trying to set me up with her. She was not attractive, nor slight of weight, nor funny, nor an enjoyable human-being. So when asked what I felt about her I said she looked like she had good skin. Although we were in a dark bar, so I could be wrong. Then she would have no positive attribute.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings in Sports #20

2006-11-20T12:19:00.000-08:00

I do not want to talk about Chicago sports, really, I dont, but how can I not? The Bears just went twice to New Jersey for football and won both games, all but securing the NFC North Division. But that was but only a small piece of the news Chicago is providing the sports world on Sunday and into Monday. 8-years/$136 million. Thats what they are going to pay for Alfonso Soriano. This is unbelievable. They never do anything this smart, and possibly overpaying, for a star in his prime. They have a pretty stacked line-up now, now if they only could find a few healthy arms to throw the ball over the plate and away from other team's bats.

Ahhh...back to the real issues at hand.

Green Bay is officially a mess. Not only is Brett Favre hurt with a nerve problem in his arm, which seems pretty serious to me. But, Aaron Rodgers, the backup QB and 2005 #1 draft pick broke his foot playing in one half of football for the injured Favre. The great thing about this, here is Favre, having played in 200+ games in a row, which, in my mind, is infinitely more impressive than Cal Ripken's streak, and he gets hurt during the first half and his backup gets hurt and will miss multiple games. Favre - 200+, Rodgers 0

Ladainian Tomlinson broke the pace for the number of games it takes to get to 100 TDs beating out Emmitt Smith and Jim Brown. Smith and Brown did it each in 93 games where Tomlinson got to it in 89 games. Oh, and he got to 101, 102 in 89 games too, the fastest to them as well. That is pretty decent company.

The Colts lost. Griese (No, Bob not Brian) and the rest of the 1972 Dolphins can un-cork the champagne. But, please follow that with the fact that NONE OF US CARE THAT YOU ALL STILL GET TOGETHER TO UN-CORK CHAMPAGNE AND CELEBRATE! I dont. I really just dont care. Granted, it has been so long since it last happened that many of the players on the team have to be careful and not mix the champagne with Viagra otherwise they could have adverse effects, like a hard-on for 12 hours, granted if you drink enough champagne, that may not be a total concern.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings in Sports #19

2006-11-16T06:45:00.000-08:00

I would love it if on of these times when I say that I am back, that I actually stay back, instead of acting like a college frat boy going over to the same girl's house at 2AM and for the eighth time saying that he is interested in a relationship but the timing just isnt right....

I need to start off this week's column with a mention of the Bears. My beloved Bears. They have been noted as the best team in the NFL one week and then everyone counts them out. You would think with the experts comments on the Bears that they were 6-3, not 8-1. The defense has been very solid again this year, although the pass rush has been absent the last few weeks. Oh, and if someone could slide some Smelling salts under the nose of Adewale Ogunleye to wake him up. That or introduce him to the opposing team's QB prior to the game so he would know who his objective it is to hit and tackle, well, that would be swell too.

Rex Grossman has taken a lot of criticism, but the O-Line has not been great the last few weeks and he has been taking much more of a beating. Not easy to play the QB position when you think you may get hit each time you go back. Grossman has kept his mouth shut with any criticisms. But, hopefully, this past week is a good omen for him. He and the rest of the offense started off very flat, in a hostile environment, on Prime Time, and then the Bears got a first down on a draw on 3rd and 22, momentum changed, Bears roll down the field, touchdown pass tp Mark Bradley (wonderful seeing him on the field again). Cue Hester's 108 touchdown run, Eli Manning having a more confused look on his face than normal, Bears win.

On to everything else...
$51 million dollars. Thats it. Oh, wait, that was just for the right to sign him to Scott Boras-as-my-agent money? Mixed move in my mind. Part of the reason the BoSox did this, apparently, was so the Yanks could not sign him. If I were the BoSox, I would let them. Everytime, since the A-Rod trade, that the Yanks have thrown their money around, the move has hit them in the face. Randy and his back, Jaret Wright and the list goes on. You may just want to let Yanks and Cashman continue his poor performance as a GM. Although what they got for Sheffield from the Tigers was a fantastic move. They have a weak minor league and just added what looks like 3 stud pitchers.

I got an email from a friend mentioning that the Mighty Ducks trade was awful and the Blackhawks should trade Khabilbulin mid-season was awful. My response, when did the NHL end its strike?

Bobby Bowden had to fire his son, the Offensive Coordinator who was simply offensive as a coordinator. But, they said that his son reported to another coach (who reported to Bowden) to avoid any nepotism. Well, its a good thing too. Maybe he can hire Terry Bowden so I dont have to look at his face any more during pre- and post- game shows.

Joe Pa is planning on being at the game again this Saturday and even told his players, "I'm not going anywhere". I love this guy. This guy has had to redevelop his whole theory on coaching multiple times in order to keep up with the times. Sometimes he was slower on the change than others, but he does and is Top 5 greatest college coaches ever. I would take him over Bobby Bowden any day of the week. And why you ask? Because Joe Pa still is wearing those same glasses from 1967, add a little tape to hold them together and it would make things perfect. Bowden? Those sunglasses that dont have any tint to them. Umm..why? Please, Bobby, why?

NBA is back. I love seeing these rich, prissy guys running around the court and when they commit a foul that rips a guy's head off, wonders why there is a call. Even, better, I cannot wait for one of the guys to purely explode after he gets a technical foul for giving that look this year (which is now illegal to do) and having him pull an Artest/Antonio Davis on the ref for giving him a technical.

Oh, and that ball, that damn new ball. I was not sure I was buying into the hype of how bad the new ball was. That was until I saw Vince Carter chuck up a shot from three-point land that even George Costanza would cringe at, it hit the back of the rim. Old school ball bounces 10 feet in the air and away from the basket. New ball? Falls dead and rolls into the hoop. The moment I saw that, one word popped into my head, AWFUL.

And I am all for the whole, if you are a starter in the NFL and you get hurt, you should have your job back. But with that comment should be an asterisk. Such as, if your back-up is playing great, see Damon Huard, get Green back into the thick of things. Have his dress, prepare again like a quarterback should, make sure there are no cobwebs or headaches coming from that first. Get him back on the field where he was one ounce away from being torn into two. This is Classic Herm Edwards. No practicality, just, lets throw Trent Green immediately back into the game now that he has been medically cleared by the doctors. Nevermind that they are 5-4, so a loss could make this season very difficult to make it to the postseason, just re-insert the man. The one thing Edwards could do to take some pressure off Green. Run the ball with Larry Johnson about 65 times in the game.

Great article by Bill Simmons on Espn.com's Page 2 about the Doc Rivers firing. Oh, excuse me, the soon to be firing of Doc Rivers from the Celtics.

Oh, and yes, I hate Kobe Bryant now more than ever. #8 won him how many championships, his own team, big contracts and rape charges, #24? A serious increase in jersey sales. He is making everyone go out and buy new jerseys of his. I would hate to be that person who bought a jersey for $50 the day before that announcement.

And last but, certainly, not least, Bob Knight. I agree with you that it is a non-issue. People complain how nowadays there is no discipline in sports like there was in the "Good Ole Days". Well, folks, this was a very soft way of discipline in the "Good Ole Days". There was just no Sportscenter back then to show it. If the kid's parents do not care, then it truly is a non-issue. Moving on.....

See you all next week.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings in Sports #19

2006-11-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings in Sports #19

2006-11-15T12:29:00.001-08:00

I would love it if on of these times when I say that I am back, that I actually stay back, instead of acting like a college frat boy going over to the same girl's house at 2AM and for the eighth time saying that he is interested in a relationship but the timing just isnt right....

I need to start off this week's column with a mention of the Bears. My beloved Bears. They have been noted as the best team in the NFL one week and then everyone counts them out. You would think with the experts comments on the Bears that they were 6-3, not 8-1. The defense has been very solid again this year, although the pass rush has been absent the last few weeks. Oh, and if someone could slide some Smelling salts under the nose of Adewale Ogunleye to wake him up. That or introduce him to the opposing team's QB prior to the game so he would know who his objective it is to hit and tackle, well, that would be swell too.

Rex Grossman has taken a lot of critiscism, but the O-Line has not been great the last few weeks and he has been taking much more of a beating. Not easy to play the QB position when you think you may get hit each time you go back. Grossman has kept his mouth shut with any critisicms. But, hopefully, this past week is a good omen for him. He and the rest of the offense started off very flat, in a hostile environment, on Prime Time, and then the Bears got a first down on a draw on 3rd and 22, momentum changed, Bears roll down the field, touchdown pass tp Mark Bradley (wonderful seeing him on the field again). Cue Hester's 108 touchdown run, Eli Manning having a more confused look on his face than normal, Bears win.

On to everything else...
$51 million dollars. Thats it. Oh, wait, that was just for the right to sign him to Scott Boras-as-my-agent money? Mixed move in my mind. Part of the reason the BoSox did this, apparently, was so the Yanks could not sign him. If I were the BoSox, I would let them. Everytime, since the A-Rod trade, that the Yanks have thrown their money around, the move has hit them in the face. Randy and his back, Jaret Wright and the list goes on. You may just want to let Yanks and Cashman continue his poor performace as a GM. Although what they got for Sheffield from the Tigers was a fantastic move. They have a weak minor league and just added what looks like 3 stud pitchers.

I got an email from a friend mentioning that the Mighty Ducks trade was awful and the Blackhawks should trade Khabilbulin mid-season was awful. My response, when did the NHL end its strike?

Bobby Bowden had to fire his son, the Offensive Coordinator who was simply offensive as a coordinator. But, they said that his son reported to another coach (who reported to Bowden) to avoid any nepotism. Well, its a good thing too. Maybe he can hire Terry Bowden so I dont have to look at his face any more during pre- and post- game shows.

Joe Pa is planning on being at the game again this Saturday and even told his players, "I'm not going anywhere". I love this guy. This guy has had to redevelop his whole theory on coaching multiple times in order to keep up with the times. Sometimes he was slower on the change than others, but he does and is Top 5 greatest colege coaches ever. I would take him over Bobby Bowden any day of the week. And why you ask? Because Joe Pa still is wearing those same glasses from 1967, add a little tape to hold them together and it would make things perfect. Bowden? Those sunglasses that dont have any tint to them. Umm..why? Please, Bobby, why?

NBA is back. I love seeing these rich, prissy guys running around the court and when they commit a foul that rips a guy's head off, wonders why there is a call. Even, better, I cannot wait for one of the guys to purely explode after he gets a technical foul for giving that look this year (which is now illegal to do) and having him pull an Artest/Antonio Davis on the ref for giving him a technical.

Oh, and that ball, that damn new ball. I was not sure I was buying into the hype of how bad the new ball was. That was until I saw Vince Carter chuck up a shot from three-point land that even George Costanza would cringe at, it hit the back of the rim. Old school ball bounces 10 feet in the air and away from the basket. New ball? Falls dead and rolls into the hoop. The moment I saw that, one word popped into my head, AWFUL.

And I am all for the whole, if you are a starter in the NFL and you get hurt, you should have your job back. But with that comment should be an asterisk. Such as, if your back-up is playing great, see Damon Huard, get Green back into the thick of things. Have his dress, prepare again like a quarterback should, make sure there are no cobwebs or headaches coming from that first. Get him back on the field where he was one ounce away from being torn into two. This is Classic Herm Edwards. No practicality, just, lets throw Trent Green immediately back into the game now that he has been medically cleared by the doctors. Nevermind that they are 5-4, so a loss could make this season very difficult to make it to the postseason, just re-insert the man. The one thing Edwards could do to take some pressure off Green. Run the ball with Larry Johnson about 65 times in the game.

Great article by Bill Simmons on Espn.com's Page 2 about the Doc Rivers firing. Oh, excuse me, the soon to be firing of Doc Rivers from the Celtics.

Oh, and yes, I hate Kobe Bryant now more than ever. #8 won him how many championships, his own team, big contracts and rape charges, #24? A serious increase in jersey sales. He is making everyone go out and buy new jerseys of his. I would hate to be that person who bought a jersey for $50 the day before that announcement.

And last but, certainly, not least, Bob Knight. I agree with you that it is a non-issue. People complain how nowadays there is no discipline in sports like there was in the "Good Ole Days". Well, folks, this was a very soft way of discipline in the "Good Ole Days". There was just no Sportscenter back then to show it. If the kid's parents do not care, then it truly is a non-issue. Moving on.....

See you all next week.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings in Sports #19

2006-11-15T12:29:00.000-08:00

I would love it if on of these times when I say that I am back, that I actually stay back, instead of acting like a college frat boy going over to the same girl's house at 2AM and for the eighth time saying that he is interested in a relationship but the timing just isnt right....

I need to start off this week's column with a mention of the Bears. My beloved Bears. They have been noted as the best team in the NFL one week and then everyone counts them out. You would think with the experts comments on the Bears that they were 6-3, not 8-1. The defense has been very solid again this year, although the pass rush has been absent the last few weeks. Oh, and if someone could slide some Smelling salts under the nose of Adewale Ogunleye to wake him up. That or introduce him to the opposing team's QB prior to the game so he would know who his objective it is to hit and tackle, well, that would be swell too.

Rex Grossman has taken a lot of critiscism, but the O-Line has not been great the last few weeks and he has been taking much more of a beating. Not easy to play the QB position when you think you may get hit each time you go back. Grossman has kept his mouth shut with any critisicms. But, hopefully, this past week is a good omen for him. He and the rest of the offense started off very flat, in a hostile environment, on Prime Time, and then the Bears got a first down on a draw on 3rd and 22, momentum changed, Bears roll down the field, touchdown pass tp Mark Bradley (wonderful seeing him on the field again). Cue Hester's 108 touchdown run, Eli Manning having a more confused look on his face than normal, Bears win.

On to everything else...
$51 million dollars. Thats it. Oh, wait, that was just for the right to sign him to Scott Boras-as-my-agent money? Mixed move in my mind. Part of the reason the BoSox did this, apparently, was so the Yanks could not sign him. If I were the BoSox, I would let them. Everytime, since the A-Rod trade, that the Yanks have thrown their money around, the move has hit them in the face. Randy and his back, Jaret Wright and the list goes on. You may just want to let Yanks and Cashman continue his poor performace as a GM. Although what they got for Sheffield from the Tigers was a fantastic move. They have a weak minor league and just added what looks like 3 stud pitchers.

I got an email from a friend mentioning that the Mighty Ducks trade was awful and the Blackhawks should trade Khabilbulin mid-season was awful. My response, when did the NHL end its strike?

Bobby Bowden had to fire his son, the Offensive Coordinator who was simply offensive as a coordinator. But, they said that his son reported to another coach (who reported to Bowden) to avoid any nepotism. Well, its a good thing too. Maybe he can hire Terry Bowden so I dont have to look at his face any more during pre- and post- game shows.

Joe Pa is planning on being at the game again this Saturday and even told his players, "I'm not going anywhere". I love this guy. This guy has had to redevelop his whole theory on coaching multiple times in order to keep up with the times. Sometimes he was slower on the change than others, but he does and is Top 5 greatest colege coaches ever. I would take him over Bobby Bowden any day of the week. And why you ask? Because Joe Pa still is wearing those same glasses from 1967, add a little tape to hold them together and it would make things perfect. Bowden? Those sunglasses that dont have any tint to them. Umm..why? Please, Bobby, why?

NBA is back. I love seeing these rich, prissy guys running around the court and when they commit a foul that rips a guy's head off, wonders why there is a call. Even, better, I cannot wait for one of the guys to purely explode after he gets a technical foul for giving that look this year (which is now illegal to do) and having him pull an Artest/Antonio Davis on the ref for giving him a technical.

Oh, and that ball, that damn new ball. I was not sure I was buying into the hype of how bad the new ball was. That was until I saw Vince Carter chuck up a shot from three-point land that even George Costanza would cringe at, it hit the back of the rim. Old school ball bounces 10 feet in the air and away from the basket. New ball? Falls dead and rolls into the hoop. The moment I saw that, one word popped into my head, AWFUL.

And I am all for the whole, if you are a starter in the NFL and you get hurt, you should have your job back. But with that comment should be an asterisk. Such as, if your back-up is playing great, see Damon Huard, get Green back into the thick of things. Have his dress, prepare again like a quarterback should, make sure there are no cobwebs or headaches coming from that first. Get him back on the field where he was one ounce away from being torn into two. This is Classic Herm Edwards. No practicality, just, lets throw Trent Green immediately back into the game now that he has been medically cleared by the doctors. Nevermind that they are 5-4, so a loss could make this season very difficult to make it to the postseason, just re-insert the man. The one thing Edwards could do to take some pressure off Green. Run the ball with Larry Johnson about 65 times in the game.

Great article by Bill Simmons on Espn.com's Page 2 about the Doc Rivers firing. Oh, excuse me, the soon to be firing of Doc Rivers from the Celtics.

Oh, and yes, I hate Kobe Bryant now more than ever. #8 won him how many championships, his own team, big contracts and rape charges, #24? A serious increase in jersey sales. He is making everyone go out and buy new jerseys of his. I would hate to be that person who bought a jersey for $50 the day before that announcement.

And last but, certainly, not least, Bob Knight. I agree with you that it is a non-issue. People complain how nowadays there is no discipline in sports like there was in the "Good Ole Days". Well, folks, this was a very soft way of discipline in the "Good Ole Days". There was just no Sportscenter back then to show it. If the kid's parents do not care, then it truly is a non-issue. Moving on.....

See you all next week.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings #18

2006-05-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

Oh how the madness! This is what I love about Chicago and Wrigley Field. Jacque Jones, who made the classic professional athlete mistake, and insulted the fans he was there to entertain, got doubled off of second base and then, in the eighth inning, prior to the inning beginning had a baseball thrown at him by a fan that almost hit him in the head. The greatest part about this, and this may only be done in Wrigley Field, the largest bar in Chicago, it was thrown by a woman! He pointed her out and she was detained. But in classic masculine-feminine style, she was not arrested. Any man would have been arrested but she was let off the hook. She was known to be "Under the Influence" which means people are using booze as an excuse, which is my #1 or #2 rule that you cannot do something and blame poor ole defenseless, delicious booze. She should be arrested and she should be treated the same way as to when I did it, or could have done it.

The Miami Heat burned the Nets last night in 5 games. The Bulls put together a better series and have no one on the team.

Larry Brown is about to be bought out of his contract with $40-44M remaining on it. This means he gets $40M to no longer have to be a part of the worst run franchise in all of sports (this includes the Chicago Blackhawks) and gets paid a lot to go coach somewhere else. All the reports say that Brown did a poor job of coaching this past year, and who am I to judge. Actually, I am just the person to judge. He did a crap-tastic job, and was surrounded with more me-first, shoot-first guys on one team assembled since the past Olympic Basketball Team. Difference, more talent on the Olympic Team, other similarity, same head coach....hmmmm......I would not hire Larry Brown, and his high-priced, ultra-arrogant ways to save my life. I think there are plenty of better coaches available like Kurt Rambis or Tummi Gummi from the Gummi Bears cartoon show (www.toonopedia.com/gummi.htm).

Third duke player got indicted on rape, kidnapping, pilagging, extortion, racketeering, death of the first born and all the other plagues. This whole thing is being drawn out by the media by now. Now I am not calling her a liar, I would never do that without knowing more about the case, but two thoughts come to mind, A) Rich school kids, playing a rich kids game, drinking rich beer (made that part up) = $$$ to many people (strippers). B) If this were football and involving a black athlete playing for Florida State or Nebraska (odd how I chose those schools, huh?) this would be a big deal for about 24 mins. But since it involves an institution thought of with the utmost respect with white kids, all of a sudden its a travesty or tragedy, I do not really know. (FYI, I am white, so you cannot play the race card with me.)

Barry Bonds got booed in Houston. But who hasnt.

On a sad note, jackass basketball player, Larry Hughes, lost his brother who had a heart defect. Hughes, who had offers to play at big schools, chose to play his one college year at St Louis Univeristy to be close to home and his brother. This is proof that all these rich basketball players with the me-first attitude can actually have a heart (no pun intended) when you strip them down to a place where money is not involved. I do not like Larry Hughes the basketball player, but my heart still goes out to him or anyone who has ever lost a sibling, parent or family member. Him leaving his team in the playoffs with full team support proves how important his brother is and will be to him and the effect he had on the other team members.

Occasionally Coherent Ramlbings #17

2006-05-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

I said I was back but then forgot to actually follow up those words. Look, here I am, face-to-face, A couple of Silver Spoons. Together.....

Barry Bonds is one Home Run from tying the Babe. Look like he had it off of Cubs pitcher Rich Hill, until Juan Pierre stole the home run and caught it over the wall. Funny, Pierre stole the home run like Bonds is stealing the home run record.

Speaking of Bonds, and this is coming from someone who really liked Bonds for a long time, next time you have a chance to watch a montage of Bonds over the years, watch it, preferably in sequential order. You will see, in almost flipbook manner, a man getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and now, fatter and fatter......Although he still does have one of the most pure swings you will ever see.

So the NBA playoffs and NHL playoffs are well under way, the four fans seem to care. Although, I did watch a bunch on the Bulls-Heat games (I am a Bulls fan) I liked watching them play since they play selfish, hard-working basketball. They move the ball on offense and are fun to watch, almost like a college team. Coincidentally, they are so young, many of them should still be in college.

I am getting annoyed in the mornings when I watch Mike & Mike in the morning and they go to show highlights during the breaks and they are wasting my time showing NHL highlights. Are there highlights? Hockey is so boring, I would rather watch two fat guys playing catch in the backyard of their trailer home. Or even worse, Brittney Spears talking.

It does amaze me the conquest the NFL has taken over this country. The Super Bowl ended the first Sunday in February. They had plenty of talk after the Super Bowl about Free Agency and then the Draft, but they are still having more coverage about rookie training camps (see Marcus "Loser" Vick) than the NHL can get during the playoffs. Owners and players, "Oopsie on the Strike".

Raise your hand if you are loving the fact that Albert Pujols is on course to hit 83 home runs this year. It pains me to say this as a die-hard Cubs fan, but I love watching Albert hit. He is a great hitter that understands each and every at-bat. He hits with power and hits with average and knows when to shorten his swing to get the ball in play. By the way, did I mention he was clutch (see home run off Brad Lidge in last year's playoffs). I really hope he destroys Bonds' home run record for this season so we can remove that asterisk. The only thing I would worry about, and Albert seems like a naturally big, strong guy, but what if we find out later on that Albert is also on the juice? I still think A-Rod is on the juice. Or, at least, was on the juice.

I know that I am no owner of a sports franchise, but I better be careful with my choice of words considering how the NBA would have no problem with fining me if I said something they deemed as being inappropriate. This all comes after Mark Cuban insulted the refereeing in the playoffs....oh yeah, on his blog. This is why I do not make fun of the refereeing at my job, if they fine me any amount, let alone the $200,000 they fined Cuban, I would be paying them to work here.....a feeling I already have.

By the way, let the celebrations begin, the Cubs end their losing streak and Carlos Zambrano got winner number one for the season. Yes, it was on May 10th.

Final Thoughts:
Paul Shirley has a chat column on ESPN.com and I find it hilarious. He also has a spot on myspace.com that is real funny. I would check it out. Nothing like self-deprecating humor and how he struggles getting women at 6'10". Now people know how I feel at the total opposite side of the spectrum, me being a fierce 5'5".

I watched the NFL Draft again, 8 years in a row now, and although I am willing to admit that I am a dork for doing so, I would rather be a dork about the NFL Draft than say, go to a Star Trek or a Star Wars convention.

On the note of conventions, I was at a seminar for work at a hotel near O'Hare Airport in Chicago where in the same hotel there was a convention for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Talk about your female equivalent of Star Trek losers. I had never seen so many mother-daughter relationships built on hot pants, big glasses, 80s hair, pimples and guts as I got to see with this mutant bunch of people. X-Men IV should be this group of people running a 25-yard dash, wait, I should not be mean or expect too much, so a 10-yard dash, and watch what happens to them afterwards, between clutching there hearts, passing out from exhaustion or when one dies the others feeding off the dead. Who knows.

Last point, how much am I enjoying baseball this year, other than Derrek Lee getting hurt and the Cubs falling apart, that the two best divisions in baseball are the NL and AL Central. ESPN must be so disappointed that the NL and AL East are not so great. I love it!

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings #15: I'm Back

2006-01-24T08:41:00.000-08:00

I know those two words do not have quite the same meaning that Michael Jordan had back in 1996, but still, pretty solid...

Ok, with the NFL Playoffs going on, and my beloved Bears in the playoffs and then dropping a game like that, I have to admit, I did vomit in my mouth...just a little

Charles Tillman, you wear cleats or sandals?

Rodney Harrison blasted the Bears defense and Rex Grossman, saying "Grossman will never be able to carry any team to the Super Bowl" Now Rodney, I know you have had a lot of free time since busting your knee, and I like you, but shouldnt you have been watching your team lose the same day to, (snicker) Jake Plummer and the Broncos?

But, I promise, I am over that game. Now I can make fun of the Conference Championship games.

Steve Smith was opposite as good against the Seahawks that he was against the Bears. His return of the punt was accentuated with an illegal black.

Defense, what defense of the Panthers? They were torched by Rex Grossman (in the second half) and all game from Matt (I have no hair left) Hasselbeck, who looked fantastic.

Was that Jake Delhomme or Jake Plummer under center for Carolina?

Leading me perfectly to the Mile High City itself...

Seriously, for those people riding the Jake Plummer Express, we know his history, raise your hand if you were not ready for Jake to implode at the most inopportune time (2 INTs, 2 fumbles)

Steelers are the best #6 team in the history of the NFL since the expansion of the Wild Card.

Does Ben Roethlisberger (no one really knows how to correctly spell his name) look more and more homeless every week? The beard is getting longer and more scraggly, the t-shirt and sport coat, he looks like he is on day #4 of being homeless. Early enough that the clothes look clean, late enough that the homeless beard is beginning to look awful.

Great endorsement opportunity with Gilette or Schick.

So I found out that the NHL was half way through their season. I found that funny since I forgot that there was a professional hockey team in the US.

Raise your hand if Kobe really should just be out there playing 5-on-1...I mean, on offense, isnt he already there?

I guess he missed the memo that teams that emphasize the "team" are winning (see Detroit Pistons, San Antonio Spurs, New England Patriot, Chicago White Sox...)

Barry Bonds is no longer playing in the WBC...NEXT!

Eddy Curry was recently booed in New York after scoring just three points and committing 4 turnovers...once again Isiah Thomas has the magic touch with personnel. He still owes the Bulls 2 First Round Picks and 2 Second Picks (if the Knicks do not make the playoffs, and it is looking so, the Bulls still get the Lottery Pick) and owe one more First Round pick for the Stephon Marbury Trade.

Just Remember, Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals Crazy Delicious!

New Section: Things I Continue to Ponder

Look above, how does Isiah Thomas continue to land great jobs in the NBA? He is genuinely awful and should not be running anything other than his car.

How does Matt Millen still have a job?

So Al Davis just called me about a job on his coaching staff, I fit everything he is looking for, I am not black. Hey Al, pretty good coaches in this league happen to not be White. Just keep in the back of your mind Marty Mornhinweg or, gulp, Rich Kotite.

Super Bowl is so close I can taste it and smell it. Oh wait, that could just be the smell of trash in Detroit. Anywho, should be a good game, Pittsburgh versus Seattle. Nothing to do until then except wait for some athlete to do something dumb (Antonio Davis) or say something dumb (all professional athletes). I guess I can finally catch up on NCAA basketball...counting the days until catchers and pitchers report to camp.

Poker and More Poker

2005-10-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

This event is powered by PokerStars.

Registration code: 5380251

Occasionally Coherent Ramlbings #14

2005-07-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

Ricky Williams is back and it looks like he took his vacation to heart. He has an unkept beard and hair and looks like he just was rescued from a tropical island. I think the boat is called the SS.Signingbonus or the SS.Thankgoodnessthedolphinsarestillsuckers

Watching the Cubs beat the St Louis Cardinals in 2 of three games, I realized, as a Cubs fan how much Tony Larussa outmanaged Dusty Baker, and the long ball, unexpected heroes and solid pitching made Dusty look good.

Shocking news from Chicago, and tell me if this sounds at all familiar, Kerry Wood may go back on the Disabled List. I know, I know. Absurd you say. But it is true. It may very well happen...again.

Endorsement News:
Andre Agassi is leaving Nike and switching to Addidas. Great move addidas. Nothing like endorsing a player near the end of his career. Thats like endorsing Jack Nicklaus or Wilt Chamberlain, or an NHL hockey player.

Everyone, stand up with me and applaude. Lance Armstrong winning his 7th and last Tour De French-speaking place. He is going to finish on top, and be able to spend more time with his kids and with, now that he will no longer be as much in the spotlight, within 6 months, his ex-girlfriend, Sheryl Crow. But congratulations, Lance, you are worthy of everything you have received. I get on my bike on flat terrain and after two blocks I am winded. Lance rode up like a 130% incline for mile upon mile.

Anyone else bored with Larry Brown and him loving the spotlight.

First NFL teams reported to camp, summer and football? And not in Europe. Is this heaven? No, its Iowa....sorry, bad Field of Dreams reference.

Anyone else realize that there is a division in baseball not name the AL East? Anyone else realize that when the Red Sox complain about the Yankees, that it is like the rich kid complaining about the mega-rich kid's new car? Now a Devil Rays or a Kansas City Royals or a Chicago White Sox fan has room to complain.

More to come soon.

Occasionally Coherent Ramlbings #13

2005-07-21T14:37:00.000-07:00

I'm Back!! I am out of the cave where I was hibernating but I am back and ready to rock

Skip Bayless on questioning if Rafael Palmeiro should be in the Hall of Fame should be bound and gagged. His point is that he never was an MVP or the best player at his position. And them just goes on to say he is a consistent hitter for a long time. Hmm...to me a consistent hitter with 3,000 hits, on the cusp of 600 home runs and one of the prettiest swings in the history of baseball, not to mention will be remembered for Viagra commercials merits a Hall Of Fame induction.

Terrell Owens: I always liked him. I felt like he played hard and had fun. The Sharpie was hilarious. He dominates defenses and can be a one-man wrecking crew. He orchestrates a trade from Baltimore to Philadelphia, signs a new contract and with his efforts, Donovan McNabb and a solid defense make it to the Super Bowl. Now he wants more money. Sorry, I think I just vomited. But that is all I have to say about how I now feel about Terrell Owens.

NHL finally agreed to a labor contract. Ummm, who you ask? Exactly. NEXT!

Larry Brown out, Flip Saunders in. Even with all the issues that were hanging over the Detroit Pistons head at the beginning of the playoffs with Larry Brown, and he still got them to within one game of winning Back-to-Back Championships. Meanwhile, Saunders had a lot of talent (Garnett) and a choker (Latrell Sprewell) and he could barely keep them above .500. Joe Dumars just saw his job go from very strong to a countdown of days that he and Vinnie "The Microwave" Johnson can go play shuffleboard.

White Sox and Cardinals have run away with their divisions. It helps when you are a very good team in some bad divisions. The second best team in the Cardinal's division, the Cubs, have talent and are moodier than a woman pregnant with twins and whom is 10 days past her due date.

Ricky Williams is back. Now Ricky dont smoke this, excuse me, blow this opportunity. I know it would be hard to live without a few more million dollars. By the way, I heard Master P has another great contract for you to sign.

Lance Armstrong is blowing the field away in the Tour de Surrender. I think it is awesome that he is doing it. But Lance, please, please, take the needle out of your arm before you ride the final stage.

I do love how a stage was delayed in the Tour de France because of cattle farmers were protesting the French government reintroducing wolves to the Alps. Europe is crazy.

An Aussie won the World Series of Poker's Main Event, Texas Hold'Em. And with it, he won $7.5 Million dollars. More than Tiger Woods or the entire purse of the British Open. So, naturally, as the dollars keep growing for poker, you will have more kids learning how to play poker. Which will mean they will learn how to better bluff or lie. Which is something we need more of in this world. Granted, I have pockets Aces...or do I?

I am back, and I will be writing these on a normal basis again. Ahhh, it feels good to stretch my legs again.

Down for the Count

2005-05-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

I am currently down for the count until June 4th. After this date, give me a few days to allow the alcohol to run its course, then flow back in, then flow out again. Then I will send out new posts, like the upstart White Sox, lowly Yankees, non-juiced Jason Giambi (but still with his Steroid-size head) The Phoenix Suns and the Miami Herald writer debating the legitamacy of having a white MVP and Rex Chapman backing him up. Talking about the Whizzinator...greatest subject talked about on ESPN TV, Internet any of the above.

I have gotten some reader feedback (shocking since I did not think anyone at all read this) but I got the indication that Mike Tyson and his illiteracy is an enjoyed topic. If you have any others, please post them on the comments or email me at npinzur@yahoo.com Granted, me stumbling across something funny is so rare and far inbetween that I probably expect no feedback.

Talk to you soon.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings #12

2005-04-18T16:16:00.001-07:00

Mike Tyson? Who the hell cares about Tyson anymore (thank goodness Tyson cannot read so he cannot bust my brains in for that comment). Who cares about Tyson when we can have a Gary Sheffield versus Ron Artest prize match?

Crazy Ramblings of owners: Minnesota Timberwolves owner, Glen Taylor, sounding off about how Sam Cassell and Latrell "I like choking my coach" Sprewell were a "failed experiment" versus George Steinbrenner (who else could I pick) on how his team is off to an awful start at 4-8.

Lance Armstrong retiring due to age and exhaustion versus excessive use of doping

Manny Ramirez hitting two home runs (including an inside-the-park home run) versus losing two balls in the sun in the same game. Scorecard at home: 2 HRs vs 2 Errors

The collapse of the Cavaliers versus the great play of the Detroit Pistons (kills me to say being a devoted Chicago fan)

Kobe Bryant not making the playoffs with the Lakers vs "Buddy" Shaquille O'Neal and the Heat being the First-seed. (Only the Bulls being in the playoffs did I enjoy more than Kobe and the Lakers not making the playoffs and Shaq-Daddy and the Heat being a number one)

NFL Draft versus the NHL Draft

New York Yankees with a 4-8 record and a $252 Million Payroll versus the Washington Nationals with a 8-4 records and a $48 Million Payroll (Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez combined for $45 Million)

Amare Stoudemire vs Kwame Brown
Kevin Garnett vs DeSanga Diop
Mike Williams vs Maurice Clarett
City of Boston Sports vs the city of Cleveland sports (thank god for Cleveland, otherwise I may have had to put up Chicago...but more likely New York)
Red Sox fan vs. Gary Sheffiled
What do these all have in common? The obvious, the good and the bad, and the ugly

My excitement for Baseball season vs NBA Postseason with the Bulls vs the NFL Draft vs summer....Things I have been waiting for a long time.

And I bet you cannot wait, but, I will have a first round of the NFL Draft Day Log and I will post it right here on the "Occasionally Coherent ramblings" of Little Pinz.

Occasionally Coherent Ramblings #11

2005-04-04T16:08:00.000-07:00

National Championship game, tonight, versus the two best teams in the NCAA. How unbelievably great is this? Is the NCAA drooling or are they still blind in realizing they should do this with football too?

Has this been one of the better Tournaments ever? Granted, top seeds being upset, two huge comebacks (highlighted by Louisville and the Collossal Collapse of Arizona to Illinois (Go Illini!) and highlighted with #1 and #2 in the AP Poll Playing one another. You have two schools where 1) The Head Coach with an extremely distinguished career but has never won a National Championship versus 2) A school that has never won and a career journeyman of a head coach who is proving that he may be one of the better coaches to come around in a quite some time.

BASEBALL IS BACK!
And, just how Selig and his illegally induced muscled cronies began the season just how they wanted, with the Yankees playing the Red Sox in the Bronx. Unfortunately, the game was so one-sided atfter the 4th inning, did anyone else turn off the game and am already sick of baseball's version of the Hatfield and McCoys?

Being a Cub fan, I still think the rivalry between Cubs and the Cardinals is better since people dont actually fight each other over the game but have a fun, strongly loyal set of fans who care immensely about their teams.

Basketball is winding its season down and, still as a complete shocker to me, the woeful Bulls continue to buy into Head Coach Scott Skiles (and should be Coach of the Year) are tied for the 4th spot in the playoffs with the Washington Wizards. Therefore, the Bulls go from one of the worst teams in the NBA with one of the higher lottery selections, and what does should-be executive of the year do? Drafts Ben "Jordan" Gordon and trades next years 1st round pick and picks up recently announced season ending injury but has a heck of a solid future in front of him, Luol Deng.

Great News from an old NBA player:
Player turned druggie, Shawn Kemp, was arrested and left in jail after an arrest which he was found to have marijuana and cocaine. Good work Shawn, blown a line for me.

Also, 19 days until the NFL Draft. I am one of those that cannot wait for the draft and will be watching it. I think I will keep a running log on what I do during the draft day. Sounds like a great read, right?

Quick Hits #10

2005-03-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I have been M.I.A. recently. I know, I know. And I apologize. I really do. Now kiss my ass, and lets get on with it.....

The Illinois Fighting Illini finally lost. They lost to the lowly Ohio State....eh, excuse me, THE Ohio State University Buckeyes, in Columbus on a last second three-pointer. Great call on the play selection by coach Thad Matta, and great execution by Matt Sylvester. Meanwhile, worse case, the Illini are still 29-1 which isnt all that bad, and got the one loss out of their system before any of the tournaments begin. Not a bad way to be.

Meanwhile, they took care of business in the Big Ten Tournament and won that and locked in place the Number 1 seed of the NCAA Tournament. Which leads right into....

THE NUMBER ONE SEEDS OF THE TOURNAMENT!!
Illinois: No Shock, real good draw with the first real challenge possibly coming in the form of OSU in the Regional Finals.
UNC: Ok, what was the committee doing? This Syracuse bracket may be the most difficult bracket I have ever seen with UNC, UConn, Kansas, Florida, Villanova and Wisconsin. Hello, breather?
Duke: Now Duke has a real nice road to the Final Four in St Louis with the possible difficult, even upset by Syracuse (who is playing real good ball right now).
Washington: I am totally ok with Washington getting a #1 seed. Especially since Wake Forest never did it for me. Maybe it was because they were slaughtered in Champaign against the Illini or, and this is what I think really does it for me, everytime they had a chance to solidify themselves, it seems like they dropped the ball and the game. Washington was solid all year and had one poor game in Stanford (sound familiar? Illinois in Columbus?)

Final Four:
Illinois, UNC, Syracus and Wake Forest (I know after all that, but they are still really good).

Finals:
UNC-Illinois

National Champ:
Illinois wins 45-41 in one of the best played and best Finals since, well, last year.

Mark Prior is now injured with inflammation in his ulna nerve, a.k.a. his elbow. Kerry Wood is also sidelined with a shoulder problem. What is next, will Sammy Sosa come back and injure his back sneezing? Doesnt this sound like exactly last season for the Cubs? The one difference, Houston will be bad this year, and St Louis is be good at best (there is no way they get the same kind of pitching performances this year as they did last year.) Are the Reds a Dark Horse? No. But they will be better than the Astros this year and finish third in the NL Central behind the Cards and the Cubs.

Jose Canseco wants immunity for talking to Congress. What is next? Are we officially giving immunity to every big-mouth jackass in this country now? If so, I think Rush Limbaugh and about every U.S. Senator just got automatic immunity.

Big News of the Week:
UMass fired their head coach, Steve Lappas. Now this may not seem like big news to you, but as an alum, this is better news than the concept of paying your taxes online or paying your credit card online. That kind of level.

I will try and post a mock draft of the first round of the NFL Draft, maybe even a mock of the mock draft plus I will try and post my picks for the first round of the NCAA tourney. I cannot show the entire pick since then I would give each of you an unfair advantage. And that just would not be sporting of me.

Also, since it appears there are about 2 dozen columns named Quick Hits, I think I am going to change my column name. If you have any suggestions, please post them in the comments section. Thanks.

Quick Hits #9

2005-02-22T08:37:00.000-08:00

NHL is cancelled, then “The Great One” and "The Magnificent" (Wayne Gretsky and Mario Lemieux, I had to look up Lemieux's nickname) “Inevitably” save the season, then the day ends and the sides are still far away in labor negotiations. Now, it is widely believed that the season will be cancelled. All these announcements with all of 15 people taking notice. 10 in Detroit and 5 in Canada, even the commissioner of the NHL, Gary Bettman, did not care. Stock Up: Everyone in the U.S. (can pay attention to more exciting sports, or take up a hobby, like crochet. Or, even crazy enough, do activities with your children.) Stock Down: Not sure the NHL can go further down without hanging out with the Devil.

Is there some sort of arrogance that we can say that Gretsky and Lemieux have (much of it deserved), to think that after months of labor negotiations, that these two, because of who they are can salvage the entire season within a 48 hour window? Stock Down: Wayne Gretsky and Mario Lemieux

Kansas losing twice in one week? Duke with a chance to lose three in a row? Sweeping through the Big Ten? Pacific University (alma mater of NBA stud Michael Olowokandi) with an unblemished conference play and the best record in the NCAAs since January of 2004? Is this 2005 or 1905? What is next? Mike Kryzewski passing out on the floor during a game? Rick Majerus giving birth at a press conference announcing his acceptance and rejection of a head coaching position? Ok…maybe that went too far, but I don’t really care. (Send emails to npinzur@yahoo.com to complain) Stock Up: Illinois and Pacific Stock Down: Duke and Kansas.

NBA All-Star Weekend, first of all does NBA stand for (Nothing But Arrests)? Anyways……

All-Star Weekend, started off on Friday Night with the Celebrity Basketball game that featured WNBA Players. The game was on mute and ignored, much like the rest of the WNBA and the NBA. Stock Up: Me for ignoring the game Stock Down: the NBA taskforce who keeps coming up with these dumb competitions and David Stern for signing off on the idea.

Saturday Night featured the 3-Point Competition, the Slam Dunk Competition and, the newest boring gimmick by the NBA, the Shooting Stars Competition. Phoenix won the Shooting Stars Competition and Phoenix Suns Guard, Quentin Richardson, won the Three-Point Competition. The Slam Dunk content, although proclaimed by Magic Johnson, much like Ted Danson announces over and over again on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” with, this is “Heaven”, comment. Magic Johnson announced that the Slam Dunk Competition was officially back. This after J.R. Smith took three chances to dunk on his first shot, but since the ball never hit the rim it did not count. And Chris Andersen from the New Orleans Hornets took 15 tries on his first and only two attempts. I think Charles Barkley said it best, when he said that we should go to commercial break. I yawned my way through the entire competition and wondered how this was nearly as exciting as the Dominique Wilkins-Michael Jordan Competitions of the late 80s when they had one chance (with one mulligan) or they would get 25 points for the dunk.

Stock Up: Michael Jordan, Dominique Wilkins, Quentin Richardson, J.R. Smith and Charles Barkley, Chris Andersen of the Hornets (You had to cheer for the one white guy who has been in the competition since Brent Barry won it a few years back) Stock Down: Magic Johnson (for saying the Slam Dunk Competition is back!), Chris Andersen of the Hornets for 15 Slam Dunk attempts, 2 completions and 2 awful dunks)

Is the NBA season over?

Stock Up (Buy and Hold stock will return thousands of percentage points): LeBron James: He does more stuff with the ball, and you are frightened at how good he will be with a rare combination of Magic Johnson with athleticism plus Michael Jordan plus the unbelievable passing skills. Now before you all knock me, yes, I think Michael was a great passer as well, but he was not in the same league as Magic…and I grew up in Chicago as a Bulls fan. The Chicago Bulls, for being a college basketball team that happens to get paid (well, more than they did in college) and playing a team game. Phoenix Suns for playing as fun of a game as you will see with scoring coming from more places and for having the best young player in the game right now not named LeBron. Stock Down: the Rest of the NBA.

Oh yeah, for all those Southern readers, or people above the Mason-Dickson line that forget they are not Southern, the Daytona 500 is right around the corner. Now past the corner. Now coming up again, and driving past again. And driving 220 MPH in a circle for 5 hours is fun. Hell, give me a car, I will drive around a circle for 20 minutes and be bored, let alone watching someone else do it for 5 hours. This is the lowest form of sport, I believe, in this country. Because the fan base is there purely to see a crash and get very intoxicated. Nothing better than getting drunk on a Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning. I have no problem with that (others may say I endorse it), but to then have to sit there on a bench around a bunch of fat, sweaty, smelly, drunk and hairy rednecks, and that is just the women, does not sound like fun. If you were to drop the drunk, if sounds more like a southern prison than it does an event. Stock Up: Everyone who did not go to the Daytona 500, people who went to Daytona or are going to Daytona without having to do the “500” part. Stock Down: Fat, sweaty, smelly, drunk and hairy rednecks and those from the North who, apparently, wish to be.

Final Notes: NCAA basketball has been better this year than is many years past. Duke has not been quite as dominant, North Carolina is freakishly good, and athletic and fun to watch. B.C. continues to win games and do them in some spectacular ways. Illinois is unbeaten and looks like they will remain that way through the end of the Big Ten Season. Pacific is unbeaten in conference play. The three big teams to watch out for in the NCAA Tournament looks like the three teams that recently had to deal with the coaching carousel two seasons ago, North Carolina, Kansas and Illinois.

Pitchers and Catchers and some position players have reported to Spring Training. This gives everyone hope. And I am not talking only about the teams, I am talking about us poor saps in Chicago when it is 37* and rainy outside at 11:30AM a day after a slight snow covering from the prior evening. I love baseball and I love going to games. This season may feature Little Pinz at 5 or 6 different venues to watch the Cubs play ball. It is already determined to be three [Wrigley Field (Chicago), Yankee Stadium (New York), Pro Player or Joe Robbie (Miami)] and the list could grow to three more [Busch Stadium (St. Louis), Miller Park (Milwaukee) and Comiskey or U.S. Cellular Field (Chicago)]. It sounds like a dream come true summer. I may even see a Dodgers-Mets game at the end of a trip to Vegas (a whole other story all on its own) in August.

I wish nothing but the best for Jose Canseco, wait, no I don’t. Even if even one of the stories is true (and I think there is a significant level of validity behind the stories) you still do not write a tell all book which includes ratting out people and then claim it was not about the money. If it was not about the money, we should ask Canseco to go ahead and donate all proceeds of his book to charity. Then we can find out how he really feels about the almighty dollar. One of the Major League players put it best when he said, “When you are stuck at home for house arrest, not much else you can do but write a book.” Fantastic.

Quick Hits #8

2005-02-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

Yay, Kobe's Back!!! And even better, the best basketball player in the NBA upstaged his return with a heck of a performance. Stock Up: LeBron James, Stock (and trousers) Down: Kobe Bryant

Jose Canseco said he, Mar McGwire and Jason Giambi and injected steroids together. And, on a separate occasion, he, Rafael Palmeiro, Pudge Rodriguez and Juan Gonzalez did the same, while our current president was the owner of the team. Canseco has hit rock bottom, although I bet some of the stories has some significant truths to them. I was unaware that steroids not only made you really strong, and have uncontrollable fits of rage, but also the inabilitiy to keep your mouth closed. Plus, who really thinks that Jason Giambi of all people would use steroids? I mean, he only allegedly admitted to using steroids to a Grand Jury, but what really is a "Grand Jury"?
Stock Down: Jose Canseco, Major League Baseball, Me (for not getting in on the steroids and making the Major Leagues when I was younger).

The Illinois Fighting Illini won again this past Saturday over the Wisconsin Badgers, and looked pretty impressive in the process. They will now be the number 1 ranked team in the countty for 11 straight weeks. "Experts" keep selecting North Carolina to beat Illinois in the Finals. Meanwhile, the Duke Blue Devils beat the number 2 ranked North Carolina Tar Heels and then Duke lost to Maryland. Now we will hear that the Big Ten is watered down and the ACC is so good, that there is never a break. You know, those same breaks that Illinois gets when they go to Wisconsin facing a 38 game home winning streak and into Michigan State. Stock Up: The Fighting Illini Stock Down : So-called "Experts"

Pitchers and Catchers are going to report to Spring Training for Baseball right around the same time the NHL owners officially cancel the season. Boy, I was so worried that I would have nothing to do around this time of year except watch the NBA and the NCAA and no NHL. Oh wait, I never watch the NHL. The NHL to me was always a 10 minute time filler on Sportscenter between the NBA, NCAA, off-season information in the NFL and Major League Baseball. What are we going to do? I have a friend from Canada who said that the NHL, which is thought to be such a part of Canadian life, this lockout has allowed people to decide how much they care about it. Uh oh, the four teams that get any attendance outside of Detroit for the NHL are starting to have second thoughts. Can you say MHL (Minor-League Hockey)? which can be loosely translated into, No one Cares.
Stock Up: Canadians (for realizing how boring hockey is) Stock Down: NHL (Nothing like squabbling over millions of dollars)

Karl Malone and Barry Larkin each officially retired both with the teams they entered their respective leagues. (Malone signed a contract simply to retire a Jazz, Larkin only played for the Reds). So the end of the Golden Age of sports when players played for one team and played for the love of the game has officially seen two more players call it quits. Stock Up: Karl Malone, Barry Larkin Stock Down: the NBA and Major League Baseball for losing two class players

"Lefty" Phil Mickelson last year shed the title of "Best Player on the Tour without Winning one of the Majors" when he won the Masters. Now, he has won back-to-back tournaments with his Sunday win at Pebble Beach. Mickelson is now the hottest player on the tour (and his wife is pretty hot all on her own). Vijay Singh did not even make the cut for the tournament. Although the Shot of the Day did not come from Mickelson, but rather, comedian BillMurray dropped a 150-yard approach shot to about 4 feet from the cup. He even used a little backspin to get the ball there. Stock Up: Phil Mickelson, Bill Murray Stock Down: Vijay Singh

On Saturday, the Underachieving Minnesota Timberwolves fired coach Flip Saunders and replaced his with Kevin McHale. Promptly, and right where the Timberwolves left off prior to Saunder's dismissal, the (overachieving) Chicago Bulls, came in to Minneapolis and defeated the T-Wolves 87-83 behind Ben Gordon's 21 points and Kirk Hinrich's 15 points. Stock Up: Chicago Bulls (Continue to win) Stock Down: Flip Saunders, Kevin McHale, the Minnesota Timberwolves

Catchers and Pitchers report in 24 hours...also known as tomorrow. Spring is almost here (for those of us in cold places.)

Quick Hits #7

2005-01-31T07:23:00.000-08:00

Sammy Sosa to the Orioles. Sosa to O's. Great move for both teams. Or is it? The Orioles are banking on spending only a few million dollars for a guy in a contract year who still has the potential for huge home run numbers and, more importantly, putting butts in the seats at beautiful Camden Yards. The Cubs get Sosa out of Chicago and bring in speed and versatility and two young possibilities to a somewhat depleted Cubs Farm System. And all I and most Cubs fans can say is, thanks for the memories Sammy, now, don't let the door hit you in the ass on yoru way out-of-town.

Granted Sammy went out-of-town 15 minutes into the final game of the season. Good team player. Can anyone else see Sammy Sausage pulling a back muscle while he eats a Crabcake or is kissing his fingers?

Well, whatever he does, he will do it with one of the most potent offenses in the major leagues with Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Javy Lopez and Miguel Tejada. This team has solid offense but absolutely no pitching. And they do not even have enough offense to beat out the Red Sox or the Yankees.

Rudy T is gone from the Lakers. So everyone pull out your piece of paper, Kobe Bryant has now had two Hall-of-Fame caliber coaches and one Elite, guaranteeed Hall-of-Fame center quit because of him.

Maybe Phil Jackson wants his old job back......probably not. Granted, what self-respecting, decent coach would want this job? You have minimal talent with a star player who is more arrogant than all of Hollywood combine and one that you do not know if he will be arrested come tomorrow.

Baltimore Ravens cornerback, Corey Fuller, was recently acquitted from charges of Illegally running a high stakes card games at his home and gun charges. Ray Lewis (murder) and Jamal Lewis (conspiracy to deal illegal narcotics) celebrated Fuller's acquittal by drinking Malt Liquor and talking about how they got away with murder. Granted, for Fuller and Jamal Lewis, it was a matter of speach, for Ray Lewis, it was the truth.

T.O.......will he play or will he not? Will it matter? I have a bad feeling, even though I would like to see the Eagles win, that this game could get ugly, especially since it will be Patriots Offensive and Defenseive Coordinators (Charlie Weiss and Romeo Crennel, respectively) final hurrah with the team representing the Northeast of the U.S.

Last word:
Word has leaked that Arizona Cardinals running back and NFL career yards rushing record, Emmitt Smith, will retire. It may even happen as soon as Thursday. And apparently he may do it will Jerry Jones at his side. Rumor has it, Smith may sign a one-day contract to finish his career a Cowboy. As good as Smith was, and having the career rushing yardage record, he was, at best, the fourth best running back ever behind (in no particular order) Walter Payton, Jim Brown and Barry Sanders. Especially for Payton and Sanders, I was not alive during the days of Brown, they had to play much of their careers behind poor to bad offensive lines. Payton had a good line the last few seasons of his career. Smith was running behind some of the best offensive lines in the history of the NFL. Must be nice, as "they" say. But, not taking anything away from Smith, since he was still a heck of a football player.

Super Bowl Prediction:
Patriot 38, Eagles 17

Quick Hits #6

2005-01-27T06:58:00.000-08:00

And then there was 2. Illinois and (out-of-nowhere) Boston College remain the only two undefeated teams amoung the college ranks after Illinois ended Wisconsin's 38 game home win streak and Boston College defeated a strong Providence team. Meanwhile the other undefeated, Duke, lost at home to Maryland.

Ok, people, LeBron James hurt his ankle, true. He came back and helped his team win, true. But a Willis Reed moment? I think not. Lets look at this closer, Regular season game versus Game 7 of the NBA Finals, favor Reed. James played against the Memphis Grizzlies (name two players on the Grizzlies, please), Reed played against Wilt Chamberlain and the Los Angeles Lakers. A good game and gutsy performance by LeBron, but no Willis Reed.

Speaking of the Lakers, they have hit a new low. The Los Angeles Lakers, playing on the road in Los Angeles, against the Clippers (I wonder if the commute time is longer), the Lakers loss to the Clippers. It is a good thing that Kobe drove Shaq and Phil away since he can still handle his business.

The Denver Nuggets are about to hire George Karl to become their new head coach and replace Michael Cooper who was the coach on an interim basis. I think Karl is a perfect fit for the Nuggets. He can continue to underachieve as a head coach with a team that continues to underachieve. Sounds like a perfect match. I heard Rich Kotite is available.

Mets GM Omar Minaya just signed Fidel Castro to a 4-year, $30 Million contract.

With the Atlantic Division team in first place as currently being an under .500 team, when does the WNBA start?

Ooops...I meant, who cares when the WNBA starts.
...Or maybe it was, does the WNBA still exist?

Raven RB Jamal Lewis was sentenced to 4 months in prison for using his cell phone to setup a drug deal. Good move, Jamal. That is like Donald Trump trying to start a lemonade stand on a hot day. Just be careful this coming Super Bowl Sunday, Jamal, yo should probably not go to Atlanta with Ray Lewis to watch the game because we could tack on a murder charge that will indefinitely be dropped.

Lewis still has to rehab his ankle over the off season, which he will be allowed to do while serving his 4 months in prison. So let me get this straight, he will be surrounded around large men that have been convicted of various charges of crime? Is Lewis going to prison or the Palace at Auburn Hills for a Pistons-Pacers Game? Or any NBA team, as a matter of fact?

Doug Mientkiewicz, recently traded from the Red Sox to the Mets, has decided to give the Red Sox the ball that recorded the final out in their historic World Series Championship for no money, on loan, for one year. In which time, he expects to get the ball back. When asked about if he should be able to keep the ball and sell it or be forced to give it back, Latrell Sprewell said he would sell the ball so that he and his $14 Million annual salary could afford to put food on the table for his family.

Federal agents recently raided the home of BALCO founder Victor Conte. Does anyone else see Conte home kind of like the Grotto, but instead of Hot women in skantly clad swimwear, it is athletes like Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Jason Giambi and Marion Jones hanging out and applying the "Cream and the Clear"? I think I would prefer to be at the Grotto. Just me talking here.

I know this has been already srutinized, but.....
Within mere minutes of his team's loss in the AFC Championship game to the New England Patriots, Plaxico Burress (yes that is his first name) complained about how many catches he had over the season. This coming from the guy who dropped a touchdown catch in an important stage of the game. Good thing he knows when to talk and when to let his hands do the talking....cue up Freddie Mitchell thanking his hands. Plaxico, Go home, do not pass go, do not collect $200. (More like $2 Million).

Terrell Owens looks like he is going to ignore his doctor's advice and try to prepare to play in the Super Bowl a week and a half away. Let me get this right, he has a crack bone and knee ligaments and is doing everything he can to play. John Abraham was cleared to play by the doctor and refused to help his team in an AFC Playoff game. Hmmm....I wonder what would have happened if A) Owens was in a contract year B) Abraham was not in a contract year. Anyways, kudos to Owens for doing anything he can to play in the Super Bowl and I still shake my head at Abraham for letting down his teammates.

With the Conference Playoff games over, let the media circus begin for the Super Bowl. Especially since there is no NHL (not like anyone cares) and the NBA is more boring than ever since the Suns and Sonics games are never shown west of the Pacific Ocean.

And last bit, to the baby in the Quiznos commercials.....the way the baby pats his belly and the lips of someone else, does this freak out anyone else? Everytime I see this commercial, it freaks the hell out of me.

Quick Hits #5

2005-01-21T07:08:00.000-08:00

NHL's season, Going Once, Going Twice.....

The NHL overall, Going Once, Going Twice.......

The NHL, who cares....

Don Nelson, head coach of the Dallas Mavericks, recently had his rotator cuff repaired, and immediately Omar Minaya of the Mets signed him to a 3-year, $15 Million contract.

University of Texas forward, P.J. Tucker, was announced to be academically ineligible for the rest of the basketball season. All a "student" athlete has to do in order to remain eligible is to pass 6 credit hours. Where is Gary Barnett when we need him? I am sure he could find someone to help alleviate some of the stress for Tucker.

Argentine Juan Ignacio Chela spit in the direction of Lleyton Hewitt during their third round match of the Australian Open. Apparently Chela did not appreciate certain on-court "gesticulations". This after Hewitt's second round match opponent, American James Blake, did not appreciate on-court of Hewitt. And I am thinking, Who is Lleyton Hewitt? Who is Lleyton Hewitt? I have no respect for Lleyton Hewitt. Or is that Karim Garcia? Ahh...I dont remember.

STOP THE PRESSES!!!

"Big Ben" Roethlisbergersjkghfgjjgvniorkladvmwekfj has lost a game. Well, he and the Steelers. I dont think any one person can be blamed for this lost. Yes, Roethlisberger threw three interceptions, never good in any game, let alone the AFC Championship Game, but I think the Defense was stuck in ketchup, I mean catsup...something at Heinz Field. You think Teresa Heinz has a box there? Because then her husband could go to the game and cheer on Mike Brady and Casey Dillon and his favorite coach of his "beloved" Patriots, Brian Billick.

So it looks like Carlos Delgado is going to pass on the Texas Rangers and the New York Mets, the two suitors who offered the most amount of money and the longest number of years. It appears to be between the Florida Marlins and the Baltimore Orioles. This means the Mets have a lot more money to spend. And since it seems less and less likely Mets GM, Omar Minaya, will trade for Cubs OF, Sammy Sosa, there is a possibility for...hold on, my cell phone is ringing. Omar Minaya must be calling to give me a contract next. He has all that money that he continues to spend and overspend. He was willing to offer Roger Clemens more than the 1-year $18 Million contract the Astros gave, he was will to offer a 5-year eleventy billion dollar contract.

Will the Patriots get any respect now? The defense still has no one going to the Pro Bowl. That means the defense is not any good. Not good as in winning fourteen games this season including the Colts twice (once in the regular season and once in the playoffs) and shutting down the Steelers running game. Hmmm, yeah, that sounds pretty bad. So you think it is just the scheme? Because the scheme is what actually makes the tackle and the interception returns for touchdowns? I think not. In this era in football, between free agency and salary caps, we will look back at the New England Patriots and, to a lesser extent, the Philadelphia Eagles as serious dynasties. Going to three Super Bowls over a four year period proves this team could play in any era. And for the Eagles, going to four consecutive NFC Championship games is not nothing either. I think the Eagles needed to A) Go to the Super Bowl (check) B) Win the Super Bowl to be able to put themselves as an elite team along with the Patriots along with the Cowboys of the early 90s, 49ers of the 80s, Steelers of the 70s and the Packers of the 60s. If I am missing teams, I apologize. And I would have liked to included the Bears from the mid-80s, seeing as I am a Bears fan, I just couldnt pull the trigger since they got to only one Super Bowl (and gave up a whopping 10 points over three games in the playoffs) and they got to the NFC Championship game, but I feel like the 49ers were more of the team to beat in the 80s.

One last note, and I apologize since this is coming from a Bulls fan who is back on the wagon, a wagon that was unhitched for 6 years, but after watching this team play the last 10 games, this is a team that is on the verge. They play very unselfish basketball on the offensive end, and they play real tough on the defensive side of the court. They play tough enough that they made the usually tough, NBA Champions, Detroit Pistons, fall apart in Detroit because of the level of physical play. Scott Skiles has brought a serious level of coaching skills to the Bulls. I am not sure he will be the coach when the Bulls make their serious runs in the playoffs, but he is a heck of a coach right now to be able to turn this team around that looked like they belonged in the CBA or NBAD rather than the NBA. It is nice to be able to be proud of one sports team in Chicago, which is usually all that we get to be proud of here.

Quick Hits #4

2005-01-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

"I would like to thank my hands...." ahhh Freddie Mitchell, where have you been all season with your comic relief? Actually, I better question would be, where have you been all season? Nothing like playing one good game to straight praising your hands. Maybe you should thank your legs too for finally getting you open.

Barrett Robbins, former Oakland Raider who infamously went AWOL just before Oakland's Super Bowl performance who was later diagnosed as bipolar, was recently shot by police in Miami Beach, FL and continues to be in critical condition. When asked what he was doing Robbins thought he was blocking for his quarterback Ace Ventura for the Shaddy Acres Football team. Barrett, umm...you know, blocking bullets is not all that easy.

In a shocking revelation, after starting off the season 0-9, the Chicago Bulls are one of the, if not the hottest teams currently in the NBA having gone 17-9 since the tumultuous beginning and have currently staked claim to the 8th playoff spot thanks to two wins back-to-back against the New York Knickerbockers. Umm...can you smell gunpowder from the gun that Isiah Thomas is going to use to fire Lenny Wilkens. Umm....raise your hand if you think it should be Thomas who should be fired for trading and signing a good portion of the team that is tied for first in the Atlantic Division while playing below .500 ball. And when I say fired, I mean run out of town a la Michael Jordan and Washington D.C.

In a related note, the Bulls would be in first place in the Atlantic Division (Currently in first place is a three-way tie between New York, Boston and Philadelphia) by a full game margin. Meanwhile, in the Central Division they are currently in fourth place out by 5 games.

From Head Coach of the University of Washington to Quarterbacks Coach of the Baltimore Ravens, Rick Neuheisel has apparently accepted the position for the upcoming 2005 season. Apparently, betting on sports is ok within the Ravens organization. And why not, you already have a player who has all but admitted to charges of federal drug conspiracy charges and another player who was charged with murder. So I guess the front office decided that they needed a little bit of that on its coaching staff, plus, compared to the players, what is a little gambling compared to federal drug charges and murder? Really, its nothing at all, almost like Jaywalking.

The Patriots. They somehow found a way to stop the Manning Express in a way no one else found. It mostly consisted of having his receivers drop the ball, fumble the ball and the defense unable to get off the field. Where last season Manning was pretty awful in the playoff game, this season his teammates played the poor game. Give credit to Bill Belichick, Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weis for coming up with a solid gameplan..........again. And yet, because the Patriots will have a very good chance of going to the Super Bowl, Romeo Crennel (a favorite for the Cleveland Browns Head Coaching vacancy) may get shut out of it because he would be the defensive coordinator for one of the two defenses heading to the Super Bowl. Something just ain't right.

Kobe Bryant will be out at least two more weeks with his ankle injury. Raise your hand if you still care.

Also related to caring, does anyone still realize that the NHL still has not played a game this season below the border between the U.S. and Canada? And here I did not know what I would do with all this free time I use to spend watching the NHL. All 2 minutes and 24 seconds per season on ESPN when there was absolutely nothing else on TV to which then I would give up and stare at a wall instead.

Quick Hits #3

2005-01-14T06:41:00.000-08:00

$10,000
That's what Randy Moss was fined for his unimaginative fake mooning of the crowd at Lambeau Field. In a conversation with a reporter as he was entering into his car after practice on Thursday, the reporter asked if he had written out the check yet. Moss' answer, "When your rich, you don't write checks." "If you don't write checks, how do you pay these guys?" "Straight cash, homey."
When asked what he thought about the $10,000, he said, "Ain't nothing but 10 grand. What's 10 grand....to me?"
This just comes to prove, who still says "homey"? Get with it already Randy. We are so on to you and your out of style ways.

Major League Baseball just severely changed their drug testing policy that includes off-season testing, and significantly changing the suspension period for violating players. When hearing of the change, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, Barry Bonds and Sammy Sosa all asked if the stadiums could move the outfield walls in by 50 feet because they cannot hit home runs as often and as far without their steroids, I mean their "candy".

So the Chicago Bulls have recently rattled off two 5-game winning streaks with only a 7-point defeat to the defending champs, the Pistons in fight-central Detroit. Since the Bulls' 0-9 start, they are 15-9 and are vying for a spot in the playoffs. The last time the Bulls were this close was when Michael Jordan wore a Bulls uniform and, oh, they did not suck.

On the other hand, the Minnesota Timberwolves with stud, Kevin Garnett, cannot win a game having lost 8 of their last ten. But I will be comfortable at night as long as Latrell Sprewell and his $15 million salary will be able to feed his family. Apparently they eat Dodo birds and dinosaurs for dinner in the land of CRAZY. Head Coach Flip Saunders, you hear that? That is

Kobe Bryant severely sprained his ankle Thursday night in a game against the Cavaliers after landing on Ira Newble's foot. This is proof that if you rape someone, force one of the best players and one of the best coaches of all-time to leave your team, that bad things can happen. That and playing hard.

Michelle Wie continues to enter Men's PGA Tournaments on Sponsor exemptions. At the Sony Open at the Waialae Country Club in Honolulu, HI. On Thursday, in her opening round, she shot an unimpressive 75, translating into needing a solid performance on Friday in order to make the cut. Maybe its just me, and I know she is only 15, and I know she can hit a ball very, very far, but I think until she wins the Women's Amateurs, she should probably stick on the women's side, cause right now she is so extremely over-hyped. What's next, are we gonna say that Emeka Okafor is the next Karl Malone? Maybe Dan O'Brien is going to win the Olympic Games in the Decathalon versus Dave. Michelle, please see Annika Sorenstam as to how to conduct yourself as a female golfer on the PGA Tour.

One last note dealing with this, since female activist groups have been so involved with Golf recently (see the Masters), what would happen if Tiger Woods or Vijay Singh were to get a sponsor exemption to play on the LPGA Tour and play in one tournament? We are trying to have no gender bias issues, but then the women's tour sets a double standard. Hmmm...

Oh, please bring me the head of agent Scott Boras.

In case you missed it, Jackie Christie and her husband were recently offered a television show on VH1. Jackie's husbad and bitch is Orlando Magic guard, Doug Christie.

One last point to make, Peyton Manning received 48 of 49 votes for MVP of the NFL this season. The one other vote went to Atlanta's Michael Vick. Now, I am not "playa hatin'", Vick had a very good year, but I do not even think he should be going to the Pro Bown over Brett Favre, let alone be getting a vote for the MVP of Peyton Manning and his record-breaking 49 touchdown passes. Sports writer in Atlanta, you should have all priviledges and credentials revoked.

Quick Hits #2

2005-01-11T09:48:00.000-08:00

*Note to Readers, do not expect to receive daily Quick Hits, in the beginning I would like to, but like everything else, this high of a pace like that of a sprinter running in a marathon, just cannot be kept.

After presenting Carlos Beltran to the New York media, the Mets have let it be known that they are now in pursuit of Carlos Delgado for between $12-13 million per year. They are acting much like their cross-borough neighbors and buying everything that is not stapled down. Just so the Mets know, I am available for between $2-4 for 5 years. By the way, that is two to five dollars, not two to five million.

If Delgado is signed by the Mets, he would provide a strong punch in the middle of the lineup. Granted, if they do not sign him, reports indicate the Mets may trade for Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa to provide a punch for their lineup. Or, as Cubs fans saw last season, a sneeze in their lineup.

Speaking of punches in a lineup, Randy Johnson, when leaving his hotel in New York en route to his physical, got into a skirmish with a television cameraman, to which to apologized later via his agent. I wish I had an agent, and was a professional athlete for no other reason than I could push people around and have someone else clean up my mess. Maybe their is another job like this, oh wait, there is, its called the President of the United States.

Speaking of government positions where sports are hurting young people's actions. How hard is it to say to a child that you should not do drugs like these professional athletes when the mayor of Washington was caught smoking crack? What do you say to these kids?
Adult: Don't do drugs little Timmy, even though your heros Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield and Barry Bonds took them. What do you think you could do if you take drugs?
Child: I could become mayor of Washington D.C.

The Chicago Bears recently hired ex-Illinois Head Football Coach Ron Turner to return to Chicago as their Offensive Coordinator. This is a coach who after bringing his team to a BCS bowl game quickly saw his team fall apart and become one of the worst teams in all Division I-A college football. Well, at least the Bears are already use to mediocrity when it comes to offense, they have been poor on offense ever since Walter Payton played on the team and the offense was only good because he could rush with a poor offensive line for much of his career and could catch the ball out of the backfield and make people miss.

Doug Christie of the Sacramento Kings was traded yesterday from the Kings to Orlando in exchange for Cuttino Mobley and Michael Bradley. Did the Magic ask Mrs. Christie for her permission to let Doug play basketball in Orlando?

So Tiger Woods ends up in third place in the first gold tournament on the PGA Tour of the season. Officially start the rumors that his career is on a downfall. I mean, he only made $89 million last year in endorsement and appearance money and got married to a hot woman and has played solid golf since his marriage.

Definition of Class-Act? Peyton Manning, near-unanimous choice to be the NFL's MVP while setting the single season record for touchdown passes at 49 in his press conference said he was surprised he was chosen and what an honor it was to win it two years in a row. Especially considering the company of other two-time quarterback winners which include Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, Steve Young and Kurt Warner. Randy Moss displayed his respect by mooning Manning and Joe Buck was instantly mortified.....again.

Quick Hits #1

2005-01-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

First of all, it has been some time since I have written a Quick Hits column, so it feels real good to be back to working on them again. I feel like Michael Jordan after his first retirement, fresh and ready to work hard to prove I still have it. I could use a fadeaway jumper like his and the endorsement money never hurts....but anyways....

Randy Moss....you think he likes attention? Pretends to pull his pants down in Lambeau Field when his team was about to win a playoff game in Green Bay. It was only their third win in 23 chances outside of a domed stadium. This happened a week after he walked off the field with two seconds left and his team down by only three points. Hey Randy, what next, you gonna drive over a traffic officer? Oh wait, done. Maybe you could bring with a Sharpie and sign your name on a football. Oh wait, done.

Carlos Beltran signed a 7-year, $119 Million contract with the Mets. All this after there were no real suitors for Beltran after the Astros lost the right to negotiate for Beltran until May 1st. The only other possible suitors, the Cubs and the Yankees, only gave luke warm responses to Beltran but balked at his $100+ million contract demand. This after the Mets overpaid for Pedro Martinez.....Doesn't this sound a lot like contracts they gave to Mo Vaughn, Bobby Bonilla, Tom Glavine or, well, anyone that is given a contract by the Mets.

The Mets still have interest in another overpaid, past his prime hitter in Sammy Sosa. Mets GM Omar Minaya can make it a clean sweep of overpaying for underperforming players. I hear Mo Vaughn and Ty Cobb are both looking to come back to play.

In a shocking surprise, I think George Steinbrenner had a heart attack minutes before he could call Brian Cashman to call Scott Boras to outbid the Mets to sign Beltran. How could he let another team, let alone another New York team, buy the biggest free agent on the offseason market.

Peyton Manning threw for 360 yards in the Colts 49-24 destruction of the Denver Broncos...in the first half!!! For ended the game with 457 yards passing overall, oh, and 4 touchdown passes. To give you a comparison, the worst offense in the NFL this season, the Bears, the leading passer for the final two weeks of the season had 310 yeards total in the last two weeks of the season, 478 yards in the final three games combined. Are we still curious why the Colts just manhandled a team in the first round of the playoffs and Peyton Manning was the Offensive Player of the Year this season versus the Bears are snuggled up under a blanket at home in front of a fire after a 5-11 season and Chad Hutchinson started the season surfing off the coast of California?

Final Hit, Kobe Bryant, ever since his turmoil with Shaquile O'Neal and Phil Jackson, oh and a rape charge in Colorado, has seen his jersey sales plummet. He finised the year in the top 10, but he finished the month of December at no. 72 and in one week fell to as low as No. 90. Its good to see that if you rape someone, and bad-mouth all the important people on a team that you are a part of, that the main thing that is effected and reported about is how poor your jersey sales have done around Christmas time. I am just worried if Kobe's eleventy billion dollar contract will allow him to make payments on his wife's 9,000 karrot diamond ring and be able to afford to put food on the table for his daughter.

Quick Hits Introduction.....

2005-01-10T08:07:00.000-08:00

I just want to introduce everyone to my new blogger at www.pinzursports.blogspot.com. This page will be about what I call "Quick Hits" which are sarcastic comments about anything in sports nationwide and what I will make short comments about them. I started doing this when I was contributing to a column on Sportsline.com that did not make it too long, but since i enjoyed doing it, and miss doing it, I decided, in light of recent events in sports, that it was time I came back and devoted an entire site to it. So sit back, relax, enjoy a cup of coffee, and let the hitting begin. I always love feedback and hearing what everyone thinks of what I write, so please, I am not going to hold back on anything that happens in sports, so please dont hold back on telling me if you think something was funny, or true, or even how awful I am. Thanks.